I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
