pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
