Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
