Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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