I feel like abortions should bother me more
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
did i just pee glitter
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
