Your mouth is God's brothel.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish I only lived at night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
