fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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