How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
