you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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