I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
