ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
