that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
