Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
