This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
