he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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