your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
