watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
