I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
