The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
