Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
