Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found the puke drawer
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
