She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
