so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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