Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
