Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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