I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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