I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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