so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
