Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
