just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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