cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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