i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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