he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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