Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
