I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
