did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
