plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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