Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
