he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
