i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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