After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
