I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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