A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
