I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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