Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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