he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You ate ashes out of my bong
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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