We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sext me about skeletons
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
