Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize