this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
this just has baby written all over it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
