Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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