perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
