my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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