i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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