Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
