Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
