Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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