pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
