Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You are a genius and a whore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
