Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
