i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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