Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
