I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
