I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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