none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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