Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
