ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
