apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
