I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
