I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
