Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
